Our week of motorbiking through Vietnam is arguably one of the most amazing things I have ever done. The road, if at times you could even call it that, was a minefield of potholes, people, cows, puddles, trucks, puppies, buses, children, you name it all hangin' out in the way. While I know I started out a terrible driver, I can now say with confidence that I am quite the motorbike driver... We started out with the intention of both of us driving. That didn't really work out when Vasae hopped into the driver's seat on about the 2nd day and was more miserable and terrified than I've ever seen her. We figure that wasn't the point so I'd be the driver for the trip. While I do have to say I wasn't any less terrified (responsible for you and your best friend's lives when you have NO idea what you're doing... piece of cake) I have said before that I am more comfortable with pretending like I know what I'm doing. And while it was one of the coolest things I've ever done, it is undoubtedly one of the most stressful things I've ever put myself through. I don't think I've ever prayed for 7 days straight. Well now I have as every day I asked God to please not let me kill us. Shoulders, arms, hands locked in a death-grip on the handlebars, I still feel relieved when I say we arrived safely to our end destination.
Now I'd like to pretend we are as cool and looked as cool as Gael Garcia Bernal from the wonderful film, Motorcycle Diaries... but we aren't and we didn't. We weren't traveling on an old Russian model, we weren't starting the basis of a revolution from remote villages, and I certainly don't have his sexy beard or accent. And while some women might pull off the whole motorbiking thing with ease and as some sort of sexy, lady rider... we did not. We looked more like Harry and Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. Our bike was a fake Chinese Honda with a ghetto rack attached to the back (that promptly broke less than 24 hours into the trip), a broken speedometer, gas gauge, odometer and an attitude when around hills that rivals the bitchiest girls I know. But we loved him dearly, our little Ham Tam. We reckoned that if a person he would be named Ham, your typical middle-aged, slightly overweight quitter.
Day 1: Saigon to Mui Ne, 256 km
We headed out of Saigon with our terrible maps only really knowing that we needed to head East. After a quick look at my compass and asking about a million people, we were on our way. This is one of the many things you pass when on the road in Vietnam, in Asia in general really. It is a perfect snapshot: Asia in a nutshell. Why wouldn't you drive with 900 goldfish on the back of your motorbike?? We somehow survived the highway from hell out of Ho Chi Minh City that was under construction and made of gravel, the new #1 thing on my shit list. We then drove through wonderful fields of dragon fruit before reaching the coast. This fruit has become Vasae's favorite thing so we were in Heaven. We stopped at one to see if we could buy a few for the road... the family forced as many dragon fruits on us as we could hold and refused to let us pay, so sweet :)
We made it to the lovely beach town, Mui Ne just as the rack broke off the back, our back tire completely busted and my ass had lost all hopes of ever regaining feeling. A quick stop at the mechanic (who ripped us off and made me cry) we settled into our cozy beach side bungalow. We enjoyed a nice candlelight dinner while a serious rainstorm passed over and cut out the entire towns electricity. Day 1, survived.
Day 2: Mui Ne to Dalat, 181 km and the start of climbing the Central Highlands
Once we were able to ditch some weight (we consolidated a few things in 1 bag and sent the other one ahead to Hanoi so as to not bust another tire, hoping we'd actually see the bag again) we had breakfast at the market and were on our way. A beautiful drive along the coast, we passed by the Red and White sand dunes as we slowly made our way from the coast inland to the highlands... Here's when Ham Tam started to show his moodier side- hills weren't his favorite. Good thing we were driving through the Central Highlands. Not happy in any gear or at any slight incline we inched our way to Dalat in the rain... it poured almost the whole time :)
Here's our 13 year old mechanic who easily fixed our bike. Don't worry, the chain fell off. And that would explain the extreme difficulty we had getting up the mountains the day before. Forward on!
Day 3: Dalat to Lak Lake, 294 km
Pit-stop at Elephant Waterfalls before we chose to nix the highway route for the back roads option. Stupid yes, but definitely worth it as we drove past lovely little towns and farms. The road was something to be reckoned with, especially as it started to rain again...
But it cleared up right as we reached the top of another mountain and started down into this valley that had farms and fields for days. It was absolutely beautiful and one of my favorite stretches of the trip.
We reached Lak lake just in time for this stunning sunset. Vasae and I both took about a million pictures each as we sat on the dock and shared a beer watching the sun go down. The fishermen were coming in for the day as the colors somehow kept changing from orange to peach to red to purple... it was incredible, a lovely scene to get to witness.
Day 4: Lak Lake to Kon Tum, 227 km
One of our longest days on the road, this leg of the trip consisted of another highway from hell that was home to buses and trucks that fly past you at alarmingly fast speeds. I held my breath each time one of them came hurling past us, practically forcing us off the road. In Vietnam lanes don't really exist- if you want to pass someone or avoid the slower traffic on the right side of the lane you simply plow through, smack dab in the middle of both lanes. One of the only rules is that if you're a smaller vehicle, give way. We hauled ass as we had lots of ground to cover but we passed through endless coffee fields that were a lovely break from the terrifying traffic. After driving down a beautiful valley road, we reached Kon Tum right before sunset, had a nice dinner by the river and went to bed completely pooped.
Day 5: Kon Tum to Hoi An, 273 km
Our last major leg of the trip, I was just holding my breath waiting for something to go wrong. It didn't, don't worry :) This day was the day we saw the side of Vietnam you see in the movies from home. The Vietnam Forest Gump taught us to picture as dense jungle, endless mountains and difficult to navigate. By this point I had a pretty solid handling of the bike so the mountain passes were a blast to drive on. A well-traveled part of the Ho Chi Minh Trail, the road was well paved (finally!) and winded up and down mountains the majority of the day. While I was still holding my breath for me to kill us, we had fun twisting, turning, leaning our way down the Central Highlands. Once out of the jungle we drove through a few lovely farming towns that had a lively energy you could feel from the rice paddy fields. Worried we wouldn't make it there before nightfall (driving at night was NOT an option as far as I was concerned), we hauled some more ass to get to the dreaded Highway 1 for the last hour of the trip to reach Hoi An. Not surprisingly there was an incredible sunset we couldn't not stop for so we did have to drive a bit in the dark... we managed fine and made it to the beach town of Hoi An.
While I scrubbed the dirt off my face and legs, Vasae surprised me with a celebratory bottle of wine and cookies. The longest, most difficult parts of the trip over with and I hadn't killed us! Reason to celebrate indeed :)
Day 6: rest day in Hoi An
We actually stayed put for one day and relished in our immobility. Hoi An is a town known for its tailoring so we headed to the shops with hopes of getting some nice clothes made for cheap. Vasae came out winning with a lovely blue blazer and a sexy red dress that both look wonderful on her. Not surprisingly, I wanted everything, couldn't decide on anything and was to cheap to buy a thing... someday I'll learn how to make decisions on clothes, someday. We spent the rest of the day strolling around the old town, eating ice cream and taking it easy. After an extremely unfortunate incident at the market where Vasae was basically robbed (she was given change for a 100 dong bill when she had paid with a 500 dong bill- not okay) we stopped shopping for the day. We've been very lucky in that we haven't had many terrible encounters with getting blatantly but cleverly ripped off and this was just one of those times we couldn't do anything about it. It's only a matter of time sometimes.
Day 7: Hoi An to Hue, 130 km
Last leg of the trip! With only a little ways to go we spent the first part of the day at the beach before heading up the coast to Hue, our final destination! This was the day I was convinced I was going to kill us. Nothing had gone wrong yet- sure we had busted a tire, slipped in some mud, almost gotten in too many accidents to count, but we hadn't even gotten burned from the exhaust pipe yet... I was terrified that it was all just too easy.
Then we ran out of gas. (Remember, our gas gauge was broken. Well, it worked part of the time but not this time.) We putted to a stop right outside a house where it so happened that 7 or so old men were hanging out. We played a game of charades until we were understood- one old man hopped up, grabbed Vasae and our gas bottle (yes, we were prepared for this and had one) and they left on his motorbike to return with petrol. And hopefully my best friend, unharmed. I was left with a table of men staring. It wasn't 2 seconds later that 11 beers magically appeared and glasses were being flown in front of me. "No, no, I drive" I said as I mimicked driving and no to the drinking so they'd understand. They all got a big laugh out of that. One thing we had learned quickly in Vietnam was that if a Vietnamese man wasn't drinking, he was napping. So the idea of not drinking just because you had to drive a little did not translate. I did my best to nurse the glass in front of me as they filled it to the brim every time I touched it. When Vasae and her old man returned from the station, I can only imagine how ridiculous I looked... at a roadside table with 6 old men laughing and carrying on about who knows what while I just sat there smiling and nodding. Vasae didn't have the excuse of driving so they got her good and drunk before we were able to peel ourselves out of their hands. After many thank-yous and bye-byes we were back on the road to Hue. We reached the town and managed to find our hostel after many bad directions and scary intersections. WE SURVIVED! We celebrated our safe arrival as we could hardly believe it ourselves :)
Permanent loss of my feeling in our asses, sun burnt thighs, hands and faces, backs knotted with stones and blood pressures certainly raised, we made it. We managed to safely motorbike our way from the south to the north of Vietnam without injury. And how? We still do not know. All I have to say is I'm glad we did it and I hope my kids aren't as crazy as I am :) Sorry, Mom and Dad.
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